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“Passing as a woman” is the Holy Grail for many crossdressers and transgender women.
But it is really a goal worth pursuing?
If you’ve been afraid to show your feminine side for fear of not “passing,” it might be time to rethink your priorities.
I believe everybody has the potential to pass, but let’s face it… it’s not always easy!
It could take years to master all the subtleties of walking, talking, and presenting yourself as a woman. You might even require surgery to be truly passable in all situations.
That means that unless you plan to live as a woman full time, trying to become 100% passable just isn’t practical.
Rather than getting hung up on passing vs. not passing, I suggest you make it your goal to “blend in” instead.
Blending in means you look feminine and harmonious enough not to stand out in a negative way – even if you aren’t 100% passable.
Most people don’t scrutinize everybody around them, so unless there’s something glaringly off about you, you are unlikely to attract a second glance.
Does this mean everybody will think you are a cisgender (genetic) woman? Probably not. But it doesn’t matter.
The happiest crossdressers and transgender women I know don’t care whether they pass or not. They care about being themselves.
Passing is great when it happens, but there’s nothing wrong with being seen as the classy crossdresser or transgender woman that you are!
As long as you choose the right environment and present yourself well, you are likely to be met with acceptance.
Now I’d love to hear from YOU!
Please take my “Passing Poll” and share your thoughts below!
The truth is that wearing high heels can be an adventure.
Walking gracefully in high heels is a learning experience. Once you learn how, usually after a lot of missteps, you still have to deal with the potential pain.
At the end of a high heel session, your feet often hurt. And depending on your feet and your shoes, the pain may begin after eight hours or after one hour. Yet, many of us will continue to wear high heels no matter how much pain we may experience.
Some wise man once defined insanity as "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
So are high heel wearers insane?
I will admit that when I slip on a pair of heels, I hope the experience will be pain-free. And sometimes it is, yet at the end of the day, I am still happy to remove my heels!
Abby of Vivian Lou fame mentioned that the former editor-in-chief of British Vogue Alexandra Shulman said, "Wearing a heel gives you a completely different feel about your body. In my case, it makes me feel in control."
Abby added, "Dolly Parton has said she wears heels to lift her spirits, shoe designer Charlotte Olympia Dellal wears heels to feel taller, sexier, more confident, powerful, and glamorous, Harper's Bazaar global fashion director Carine Roitfeld wears heels to move, sit and speak differently, fashion designer Monique Lhuillier wears heels to feel empowered and rocker Lita Ford wears heels for attitude."
Like they said and I wear heels because my mother was my role model. Whenever Mommy dressed up, she wore heels. So whenever I dress up, I wear heels ("like mother, like daughter").
What's your excuse? Why do you wear high heels?
Every now and then, I hear somebody ask…
“Am I too old to crossdress?” or “Am I too old to transition as a woman?”
The simple answer to this question is NO.
Whether you are 33 or 73 – and whether you aim to express yourself through crossdressing, or live as a woman full time – it’s NEVER too late to be your true femme self.
Life is short and you deserve to make the most of your precious time on earth.
Does this mean you should act on every frivolous whim that crosses your mind? Of course not. And obviously, life-changing moves like hormones or surgery need to be given serious thought.
But I believe the true desires or your heart are meant to be expressed – no matter how long they’ve been buried.
In fact, embracing your feminine side can give you a whole new lease on life. I see it all the time: People seem to grow years younger when they make the decision to be themselves fully.
Having the courage to express your true self also inspires others to do the same. The world needs more of this!
In the words of Laverne Cox, “It is revolutionary for any trans person to choose to be seen and visible in a world that tells us we should not exist.”
I’ll say it again: You are NEVER too old to be your true femme self.
So go for it, girlfriend: Buy the shoes, schedule the makeover, contact the gender therapist – or do whatever it is that you’ve been holding back on.
You deserve it. And it’s not too late.
Now I’d love to hear from YOU on this topic …
How old were you when you decided to embrace your fab femme self? (Or are you still waiting?)
Let’s continue the conversation in the comments below!
I love high heels! So much so that I own over a 100 pairs.
The second piece of woman's apparel I ever wore were my mother's high heels (after I slipped on a pair of her nylons). Since that initial crossdressing experience, I almost always wear high heels when I present as a woman. Occasionally I joke that this whole transgender thing is just an excuse to wear high heels.
Without a doubt, wearing high heels is the most difficult thing about presenting as a woman.
Walking gracefully in high heels is an art.
And then there is the pain! Wearing a girdle, waist cincher or clip-on earrings can be painful at times, but you can almost always count on wearing high heels becoming a painful experience sooner or later.
Despite the drawbacks, I'll give up my Louboutins when you pry them from my cold, dead hands.
Abby of Vivian Lou fame feels the same way and she offers some tips in her blog to make your high heel experience as painless as possible.
👠 How to stop feet from slipping forward in high heels.
👠 How to walk up and down stairs in high heels.
👠 Why not to wear the same pair of high heels every day.
As Abby says, "Here's to high heels without the hurt!"